Language Rant #2: Beginner Japanese, Year 3

I’ve now been living in Japan for 3 years, and after 3 years of living in a foreign country, you would expect to be able to at least hold a very basic conversation in the language.  I mean, I only studied German for 1 year in college before studying abroad there and living with a host family.  Even though I struggled, at least I could talk about the weather or watch the news with them.

Then I came to Japan. 

I’ve been taking Japanese classes for most of my time here, but I’m still stuck.  I feel like I haven’t learned anything new in years.  Last class, and we covered basic adjectives for about the 20^th time, and I still don’t get it.  I can’t remember vocabulary, I still mix up some Japanese kana when trying to read quickly, and I don’t understand how the grammar works most of the time.  I dread the times when my teacher stops speaking, obviously because she just asked a question, and all I can do is stare blankly because I have absolutely no idea what was just asked.  I can’t even make a guess.  My heart just sinks, and I swear I can hear the sound of crickets in the silence, crickets that are possibly living in the empty part of my brain where Japanese should go.   That silence and helplessness are absolutely the worst feelings in the world.

Now, I’m not someone who has ever really struggled academically.  I’m used to academics just coming naturally.  I wasn’t exactly gifted in math and science in high school (AP chemistry comes to mind), but that was because I was always in the advanced classes, and I accepted being the slow girl in the advanced classes.  And by slow girl, I mean getting a B+, not exactly failing.  Even with German, where I asked for a tutor after the first week of classes, I just had to work at it a bit, and I could get through.  I lived and travel there without any problems.  But this feeling of having no idea what’s going on in class is not one I’m used to or can just accept.  Sometimes it takes all my energy not to just walk out of class in frustration, especially last class, after my teacher kept trying to pressure me into joining a Japanese speech contest. That’s just not going to happen.  No contests or public humiliation for me, thanks.

I absolutely cannot quit Japanese.  I’ve been here 3 years.  Before I leave Japan, I need to at least be able to ask for basic directions or order food on my own. Seriously.  It’s been 3 years.

At least I always have Portuguese to help boost my ego a bit.